Bross Bennett LLP
Bross Bennett is one of the largest and most experienced niche family law practices in London.
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Divorce set to boom as marriages go bust
January 10, 2009 by admin
Filed under Divorce, Family Law
New Year has always been a busy time for divorce lawyers but some experts are expecting January 2009 to be a record month.
A survey by the Local Government Association (LGA), which found one-fifth of local authorities reporting increased demand for relationship counselling, has led to predictions of a “bumper” divorce season.
Some family law solicitors say the influx of calls just after the festive period can be three times the monthly average.
Lawyer aims to take the battle out of divorce
In the run-up to D-Day on 12 January – the day when feuding couples are most likely to start divorce proceedings – a lawyer is on a mission to make people aware that there is a less stressful way to split up.
Carol Grundell, a partner with law firm DWF, is a specialist in collaborative law, a revolutionary approach which helps to ease the pain of divorce for couples and their children. The system aims to avoid costly and confrontational court battles. Instead both partners commit to settling matters out of court by working together to reach a mutual agreement with the help of their lawyers.
Whereas usually negotiations are conducted by letters or phone calls between the two lawyers, using the collaborative system the partners themselves meet face to face, with their lawyers by their side and with additional help from mediators or counsellors where the situation demands it.
The first Monday in January after the children go back to school is traditionally the busiest day for divorce lawyers, with many relationships having been pushed to the limit by the strain of the festive season.
Carol said: “A bitter divorce can have a lasting impact on the couple concerned and their family. The conventional divorce procedure is by nature confrontational and pits both partners against each other, aggravating any ill feelings that already exist between them.
“The collaborative approach provides a genuine alternative and makes for a less traumatic experience. It can often create an atmosphere of respect and understanding that did not exist before and, unlike in a courtroom setting, the couple stay in control of the whole process.
“It is particularly helpful where children are involved as it sends out very positive signals. Research has consistently shown that children benefit hugely from knowing that their parents are working out their differences together, constructively.”
National Divorce Day tips from ChildLine and Your Family website
‘National Divorce Day’ tips from ChildLine and Your Family website
ChildLine and the Your Family parenting website have joined forces on National Divorce Day (5 January 2009) to help parents put children first when separating.
An estimated 117,000 children see their parents divorce each year and the new year is the time when unhappy couples are most likely to contact lawyers about ending a marriage.
Head of ChildLineSue Minto said; “Divorcing parents can be overwhelmed by feelings like anger, sadness, and helplessness. This often makes it hard to focus on the wishes and needs of scared and bewildered children whose lives are about to be turned upside down.
“Parental separation is a crisis for children as well as adults. Children suffer deeply when the adults they love fall into conflict. They are deeply upset by the hurt, pain and confusion of divorce.
“Children often phone ChildLine when their families are in turmoil. They tell counsellors about being scared by arguments, feeling they are being forced to choose between mum and dad or that the break-up is their fault. Children can be helped to adjust to the changes happening around them if parents take the time to explain how much they are loved and that whatever happens is not their fault.”
At least one child a day calls ChildLine upset about parents arguments. Children have told ChildLine:
“Mum doesn’t trust Dad and makes me spy on him and tell her what he’s been doing. The stress of it is making me ill and made me lose loads of friends.” (Girl aged 16)
“My parents where arguing about me today. I think they might separate because of me.” (Girl aged 9)
“Mum and Dad split up. Since then I feel like they’ve used me as a go between in their arguments. Mum and Dad don’t speak to each other and I am expected to pass on messages. (Girl aged 16)
To help families during this difficult time, NSPCC which runs ChildLine has produced some new advice to help parents shield their children from the affects of divorce.
YourFamily.org.uk tips for divorcing parents
• Say “I love you” – tell children how much you love them. It sounds obvious but children of all ages need extra reassurance if they feel their family is falling apart and they will be separated from loved ones.
• Listen up – listen to children and comfort them if they are upset or worried. When you are caught up in your own emotional turmoil, it can be easy to forget the feelings of those around you.
• Keep talking – reinforce the fact that the split is not their fault.
• Be honest – while children do not need to be involved in every detail of a divorce, it’s important to be as honest as possible about what happened and what’s going to happen while providing as much reassurance as possible.
• Keep a routine – try and keep the day to day schedule as normal as possible. Introduce the changes slowly and talk any changes through with your children.
• Family time – make sure both parents have as much time as practical to spend with the children unless there are obvious reasons why this would be dangerous such as a partner with drink or drug problems.
• Home sweet home – if your children come to visit you in your new home, make sure there are some familiar items there such as toys or posters for the bedroom. This will help reinforce that you are still a big part of their lives.
• Share the load – when appropriate, try and share out the child care responsibilities between both parties so children can see that both parents are still very involved in family life.
• Keep some things to your self –don’t criticise your partner in front of the children or alienate them from him/her. Whatever has happened between you, your children will still love both parents equally.
• Phone a friend – find someone you trust to talk to about what’s happening in your life. It’s very difficult to bottle up the hurt and having a friend to talk to means you are less likely to let off steam in front of the children.
• Remember the little things – children may be very worried about seemingly minor things like what is going to happen to their pet or will they see their friends. It’s important to recognise these are important to children.
• Get a second opinion – children often find it difficult to articulate their feelings, especially younger children. Look for signs in their behaviour to keep a track of how they are dealing with the split. Ask friends, families and teachers to keep an eye on your child’s behaviour too. When you are dealing with your own feelings of grief, it can be hard to spot the often subtle signs your child may be giving out.
For information help and advise, go to www.YourFamily.org.uk